Stockholm, With Martins Aden
Robin Ijsseldijk
Who am I here with today?
Martins Aden
Yes, my name is Martins Aden, and I'm a fashion creator, host and interviewer based in Stockholm, Sweden.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Martins, looking back at last week, what was the most optimistic emotion that you felt that helped propel you towards your goals?
Martins Aden
That's a really good question, actually. That's a really, really good question, first and foremost. I would say for me it was, I sent out an email, and I had been getting a lot of nos. And I got a yes.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Nice. Congrats.
Martins Aden
Thanks. Thanks. And that just gave me a sense of optimism that actually, the nos don't matter. It's that yes, that one yes that opens the stream you're looking for. And as soon as you get it, life feels amazing.
Robin Ijsseldijk
So when you were growing up, let me ask you this. What did growing up teach you about your emotions up until now?
Martins Aden
Bro, these are really good questions. These are questions that make you think.
Robin Ijsseldijk
I hope you can take your time. You can take your time.
Martins Aden
No, definitely. Definitely. I'm a fast thinker as well. But I would say the emotions that I grew up with was, I would say freedom. Freedom in the way I do things, the way I work, that helps me a lot. Honesty, being honest with myself, what I'm feeling, my emotions, my state of mind. And I would also say energy. Because I was very energetic as a kid, and I would say it's something that formed me today, because that propelled me into pursuing that social capability that I feel like I got as a gift. But obviously every gift that you have, you have to work on as well.
Robin Ijsseldijk
So when you were growing up and you went through those motions with these emotions, how important do you think it is for people that are struggling, maybe to feel confident in their bodies, but also to feel that they do not need to be ashamed to explore these emotions and share them with friends? How important do you think that is, and how do you think someone can start?
Martins Aden
I think the first step is being honest. Because growing up, during my teenage years, I wasn't honest about what I felt, especially towards myself. There is this quote that says that you can lie to the world, but you can never lie to yourself. And that is so true, because I can be like, “Oh, I'm feeling this way,” but I know what I'm feeling inwards, and I know whatever emotion I'm feeling. So I feel the first thing is definitely the honesty. Be honest about what you feel, especially towards yourself, because you can never lie to yourself. And then in general also, to be able to explore those emotions and ask that question why. W-H-Y is the best word in the world. Why? Because when you ask why, even though you don't know that answer, your brain starts trying to find an answer. And when your brain starts trying to find an answer, fifty percent of the problem is solved. So why are you feeling that way? Why are you thinking that way? Why are you experiencing whatever you're experiencing?
The Why Method
You can lie to the world, but you cannot lie to yourself. Name the emotion you are actually having, not the one you would prefer to report.
Why are you feeling that way. Why are you thinking that way. Why are you experiencing what you are experiencing. Ask it out loud or on paper.
You do not need the answer yet. The moment the brain starts searching for one, half of the problem is already solved.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Kind of like the feeling that you need to break down yourself in terms of what's going on.
Martins Aden
Yes. Definitely. Definitely. I feel like self-insight is something that has become very lost in the world today. A lot of people don't know about themselves enough, because confidence comes, for example, from self-insight. By knowing I'm capable of this, I can do that, I can accomplish that. That's why the most successful people in the world always say that confidence comes from working on it every day. You have to learn about yourself every single day.
Robin Ijsseldijk
I've heard this, I don't know if it's a saying or a metaphor, but they said repetition is the best form of confidence, because that's where you get results. And not only results emotionally, but also in general with your life, because I think every time we repeat something, we become that. And I think that's the most crucial component for all of us. It's how we actually become the person that we want to be.
Robin Ijsseldijk
So let me turn the page a little. From what I've seen and read about you, you're literally, to me, in one of the loudest arenas you can be. You have external noise, people, responsibilities. But I also believe that whatever position you're in, you're succeeding, right? Things are working out. So can you look back with me and tell me, before everything worked out, what was that breaking point for you where it felt like things were challenging, and how did you turn it around?
Martins Aden
Most people know how I started my journey. But internationally, most people don't. It's more of a local thing here in Stockholm. I started as a personal shopper to footballers.
Robin Ijsseldijk
A personal shopper, really?
Martins Aden
Yes. And I got the opportunity by just, funny enough, I worked at a PCR centre during COVID, so I saw a footballer. I'm always going to shout him out, Pontus Almqvist. I saw his shoes, and I loved his shoes, and I love fashion in general. So I was like, “Nice shoes, bro. Where did you get them from?” And he was like, “Oh, we got them from this place.” And I felt like he was paying an overprice. So I was like, “I can get you shoes for a cheaper price.” And he was like, “Okay.” I was like, “I'm a personal shopper.” And then imagine, I hadn't even started as a personal shopper.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Wow, dude. That is something.
Martins Aden
Because you have to live your truth as well. So I did that. Pontus ordered shoes, and we had a great relationship. So I did Black Sheep. And the thing was, personal shopping is not popular in Stockholm, or in Sweden in general, and there's not really a market for it like there is internationally. So the breaking point was, I was doing Black Sheep, but I was feeling like it wasn't working, because I'm a person that is very hard on myself, and I believe I am meant for great things. So I felt like, okay, this is not really happening the way I want it to happen. And the breaking point was that I started, because I did interviews for Black Sheep on TikTok, so I started doing interviews for my personal brand, and that is what I would say was the breaking point, because I started promoting my personal brand more. And then I started doing partnerships. One thing as well is that I haven't lived in Sweden for a long time. I came here when I was thirteen. I'm twenty-seven today, so that was fourteen years ago. And when I came to Sweden, all these things I'm doing now, I didn't expect a single thing of whatever I'm doing now to be possible, just to be clear.
Robin Ijsseldijk
How was the self-talk in those moments? Because I feel that at a certain point you may be in the trenches, maybe you're not believing in yourself. Do you feel that you had a disbelief at any point in yourself? And what was the shift that you needed to make to still pursue what you wanted to pursue?
Martins Aden
I think the shift came when I started challenging myself. Two things: challenging myself and getting to know more about myself. So I'm a person that is really, really big on journaling. I am obsessed with journaling. So before I created Black Sheep, the idea of Black Sheep actually came from me journaling. What I usually do is that I have minimums. For example, in a day, I had to journal for a minimum of five minutes. I always put the lowest bar so my brain can't give me an excuse not to do it.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Also smaller chunks. I feel like you also gave it room instead of things being an hour long. You broke them up into little bits.
Martins Aden
Just five minutes. Minimum five minutes. Maybe if you want to write for fifty minutes, you do you. But do that five minutes. Because it's the same thing with training. I always give myself the minimum to do. For example, if I'm feeling very lazy I'll be like, “Okay, just go out and run for ten minutes.” If you don't like it after ten minutes, go home.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Start a habit.
Martins Aden
It's a habit. Exactly. And after that ten minutes I'm like, “This is fire.”
Robin Ijsseldijk
“Why haven't I done this before?”
Martins Aden
And I'm like, “This is so amazing.” So I feel like that is what I started doing, challenging myself more and just giving myself also the space for failure. Because that is also something that's very important. You can't just succeed in everything you want to do in one day. It takes time, and it's okay.
The Minimum Rule
Minimum five minutes of writing. Minimum ten minutes of running. Set it so low that your brain cannot hand you an excuse.
The word decides the outcome. Minimum means five minutes is the floor, so continuing is allowed. Maximum means five minutes is the ceiling, so stopping is the goal.
If you stop at five minutes, you still won. The thoughts are on paper and you understand yourself a little better than you did.
Robin Ijsseldijk
What is the perspective the young generation can take on failure? Because I feel a lot of people are afraid to fail. But you just said that in failure there's the most growth. So what do you think is a perspective that people could consider, or an approach they should take, when achieving their dreams?
Martins Aden
It's actually one thing. And it's something that has followed me my whole life. So every person watching this video will hear no in your life. You will definitely hear no, or maybe you've heard it before. And no means next opportunity. That is so true. And when you have that mindset, that just because that person said no doesn't mean this person will say no, you are so quick to move on from failure, and I think that's the thing. Because every single person in this world that wants to attain something, that wants to achieve something, will fail. If you don't fail, you're doing something wrong, actually.
Robin Ijsseldijk
If you don't fail, you're doing something wrong.
Martins Aden
You're not trying hard enough.
Robin Ijsseldijk
It's part of the process.
Martins Aden
Exactly. And that is also like a metaphor. I watched this podcast that said, “If you don't fail, you are not trying hard enough.” So much failure. Imagine, I am at what people see as the pinnacle of my career here in Stockholm. I came here fourteen years ago. Achieved so much. But even today, I still fail. There are some things I wish I had done today that I have not done. So it's just like, I failed, next opportunity. And the next opportunity comes really fast. It comes in one hour. It comes the next day. What you didn't do yesterday, try to do it today, because then you grow again. Because your brain is like, “Oh, I thought we were going to stop this,” but I guess not. The boss says we continue. Because you are in control of your own destiny through your thoughts.
No Means Next Opportunity
Everyone chasing something will hear no. If you are not failing, you are not trying hard enough, and that is the real warning sign.
One person saying no says nothing about the next person. Read the no as a redirection, not as a verdict on you.
The next opportunity comes in an hour, or tomorrow. What you did not do yesterday, do today. Speed of moving on is the whole skill.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Exactly. So how do you think people can slowly start leaning into failure? Because there are a lot of people that still feel ashamed to do certain things. How do you think they can break their bubble a little bit to make sure that their goal doesn't look as monstrous as it can be, but still is doable for them?
Martins Aden
I would recommend the method that I use, because I do the exact same thing. For example with journaling. Just minimum five minutes. It's not maximum five minutes. Those small, small words really matter a lot. Because when I tell my brain minimum five minutes, I do it for five minutes because that's the minimum standard. A hundred percent of the time, I want to continue after those five minutes. And even though I stop after that five minutes, I know that, okay, I have put my thoughts on paper, and I understand myself more. So to make your dreams not feel so big, I would say put them in small, small sections. If it's to get a collab, start by making the first page of your media kit, for example. Because then it's a process. Every single thing in life is a process. It takes time, and you have different parts all the time. So don't make it seem so complicated. It's not complicated. Just make small, small goals. And every time you achieve one of those small goals, you are a step closer to the bigger goal.
Cut The Dream Into Sections
Write the goal down exactly as it scares you. A collaboration, a stage, a client. Leave it as big as it is.
Do not plan the whole route. Ask what the very first page of it looks like. For a collaboration, that is page one of your media kit.
Every small goal you finish moves you one step closer to the big one. The goal was never complicated, it was only undivided.
Robin Ijsseldijk
So I think that's totally invaluable advice, first of all. I think sometimes we tend to want to conquer the world in one day. But there's also this saying, I think it's from Tony Robbins as well. He said, “People overestimate what they can do in a day, but underestimate what they can do in a decade.” And I feel that people really want to dance like Michael Jackson, but they haven't even started dancing. You know what I mean?
Martins Aden
Exactly. That's so good. That's so good.
Robin Ijsseldijk
So anyway, to turn the page, one of the things that I feel, especially in your industry and also with the young generation, is that a lot of people, when they want to grow, they don't want to cause friction, because either they're feeling ashamed, or they're being watched. Now, you are actually in the industry where you're being watched, through content creation. So what did fear teach you that the rest of us could use?
Martins Aden
I think first and foremost, everybody feels fear. If you don't feel fear, I think Kanye West said this in his documentary, “If you don't feel fear, your dreams are not big enough.” They should scare you, because then you're on the right path, first and foremost. But also, I think everybody can relate to this, that when you have something in mind to do and you don't do it, you almost instantly regret it. So for me, the fear of doing the thing is actually less than the fear of not doing it. My fear of not doing something is bigger than the fear itself. And so that is my way, because I have small tricks of how to manipulate my brain to do things. And I think all that stems from my self-insight.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Can you break down one of the things that you do? Is there a goal currently that scares you at the moment that you want to attain, that's big enough? And what's the self-talk like, or what's the trick, or the habit that developed around it? Can you share a little bit about that?
Martins Aden
No, definitely. So one goal is to one day actually play at Way Out West, because I'm a DJ as well. And yeah, it scares me because I don't feel like, even though we live in a very inclusive society, I just don't feel like there's a place for me. I've always felt like a black sheep all my life. And I don't feel like, even though I have the skills, I'm going to get the chance. But that still doesn't stop me from dreaming. And for me it's just about telling myself that as long as I'm consistent by being a better DJ every day, they will have no choice but to give me a chance. It's so crazy because there was also something else that I wanted to do. There are a lot of places I wanted to play in Stockholm. So the idea that I gave myself in my head was that if you're the best DJ in town, they can't say no. So it's just my way of psyching myself up, that even though I know deep down inside that I am good at what I do, I still feel like I can become better. Because then they can't really say no.
Robin Ijsseldijk
I also feel like you don't stop with what you're doing. I think that's also what makes it worth pursuing that goal, right? Because you know when you're going to quit. I always feel that when people start something, sometimes they already know it's going to end. Act like there's no end. And I think that's the most important part, because at least from what I'm perceiving, that's how you're living. And I feel like you're also envisioning things in your mind that are brighter than your fears. Although they scare you, which of course is human. Everybody's scared of some things, right?
Robin Ijsseldijk
So I want to shift gears a little. A bit something more personal as well. In your industry, running a nightclub, being a fashion podcaster and doing content creation, there's so much responsibility on your shoulders, I feel, with people that want something from you. Maybe contracts to sign. Everything needs to be arranged in an almost perfect manner. You cannot really disappoint someone. But has there been a time in your life where you disappointed yourself? And if so, how did you deal with that?
Martins Aden
Actually this was recently. So I have this concept called Zora. But we have another concept called Tribe. So I wanted to pitch it into a venue here in Stockholm. I got the number of the venue's owner. And before I had this call, I have a friend, but I also see him as my mentor, and he was like, “Just talk to him as if he's a normal person.” So the first call that I had with this person, I totally forgot everything, and according to me, the call went really bad. I didn't get my information across. We didn't have an understanding. We couldn't agree on anything. So, funny enough, I called my friend and he was like, “How did it go?” I was like, “It went really bad, but I know exactly what I did wrong.” And that for me was just wow, because a few years ago I wouldn't understand. I would be like, oh, he's racist. It's so easy to blame another person for your failures. It's the easiest thing to do in the world. But as soon as you start, even though you don't see your fault in the matter, as soon as you start seeing that everything that happens to me in the world is my fault, you have another level of control. And so that was the thing. Then I called the guy again. Even though we never did any business, me and the guy, I called him again, and we talked and I felt like I got what I wanted. And for me it was just a very small shift in mentality. I shouldn't talk to him as a boss, because I am a boss as well. I should talk to him as a normal human being. And I did. And it went much, much better. And just that small shift in mentality sometimes can be the main decider of whether you will achieve your goals or whatever you want to achieve in life, or if you won't.
Everything That Happens To Me Is My Fault
Blaming the other person is the easiest thing in the world. Notice the moment you reach for it, because that is the moment control leaves the room.
Replace the excuse with a diagnosis. Name the exact thing you did wrong, even when the fault is not obviously yours.
Go back with the one thing changed. Martins stopped speaking to the venue owner as a boss and spoke to him as a person, and the second call went the way he wanted.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Exactly. So guys, this is exactly what I'm looking for. I think Martins is playing in one of the loudest arenas, where there are so many opinions, so many things people can do or say that keep you off track. But what he's doing is honestly, he has his own path, but take what he says and apply that to your own life. You have your own journey, so you know what you want to do. You have your own dreams. So it's not about not being fearful, but still having fear and doing it anyway. And I think that lightens the load on any approach that you should have as well.
Robin Ijsseldijk
So in that sense, the last two questions that I've got for you, Martins, is how important was responsibility for you when you were operating maybe ten years ago versus now? And what's for you the difference between someone that makes it and someone that doesn't?
Martins Aden
Responsibility is everything. And the funny thing was, when I was a teenager, I was very irresponsible. My dad has stories for days. I was very, very irresponsible. But the turning point for me was actually when I moved to my own apartment when I was nineteen. So now, living alone, Dad is not around to make me dinner or breakfast. Nobody's around to wake me up. Nobody cares. I was like, “Okay, so this is what it means to be an adult.” So the first two weeks, because I couldn't cook any food, I was just eating noodles. And I was so tired of it. I was like, “What type of life is this?” I thought I would have the craziest freedom when I moved away. So then that was when I started to understand, okay, I am actually responsible to make sure I have food to eat, to make sure the house is clean, to make sure everything is in order. So I have lived alone now for eight years. And I would say that is the best decision I've ever taken in my life.
Robin Ijsseldijk
And what is one thing the young generation can do to stop blaming outside sources for their problems?
Martins Aden
That's a really good question, and this is something that I can talk about for days. One thing that I just want to make extremely clear is that there is no set way to make it to whatever goals you have. What I'm saying right now is just information. It's up to you watching to apply it whichever way you want to. I'm just the guy that gives information about what worked for me and what works for me. And the thing is that when it comes to the younger generation, I feel like social media has played a part in how everything is perceived. You are expected to have everything about your life sorted out by the age of twenty-three. Colonel Sanders made it when he was sixty-five. You're too young. Gary Vee made it when he was thirty-five. Rick Ross got his first hit, Hustlin', when he was thirty. You are too young. Stop putting pressure on yourself in that sense. Try stuff. Fail. It's perfectly normal. We live in one of the best countries in the world, where you can try almost anything you want and you will get support all the way. So it stems from just doing stuff. Just be a person that does stuff. Don't be a talker. Sometimes I actually don't like to talk about things I'm going to do, because you get that dopamine, that satisfaction in your brain, before you actually do the thing. So sometimes instead of talking, do it, and just baby steps. Find what works for you. That's the most important thing. Find what works for you and stick to that, and most importantly, be consistent. There are things that I've been doing for two years that I don't need to do. But I do it just to have consistency in my muscle memory, just to have that instilled in me. For example, I do a minimum of fifty push-ups every day. I don't need to do it, and I don't think I'm going to become like The Hulk by doing it. But just knowing that every single day I do a minimum of fifty push-ups and I write for a minimum of ten minutes. And I usually tell myself, because I believe the brain is so powerful that you can trick the brain in so many ways, after you've done that, you can do whatever you want with your day.
You Are Too Young To Be Behind
The idea that your life must be sorted by twenty-three came from a feed, not from reality.
Colonel Sanders made it at sixty-five. Gary Vee at thirty-five. Rick Ross had his first hit at thirty. You are not late, you are early.
Try things. Fail. That is perfectly normal, and it is what the extra years are actually for.
The Daily Anchors
Martins does fifty push-ups and writes for ten minutes every day. Neither is required of him. That is exactly the point.
The anchors are not for the result. They are there to keep consistency instilled in you, so the muscle memory stays alive.
Tell yourself that once the anchors are done, you can do whatever you want with your day. The brain is powerful, and it accepts that trade.
Robin Ijsseldijk
And I also feel like, you touched upon a point, what I really love about you is that you said the important part is that we don't talk about stuff, we actually do something. So there's this quote, it's very simple: “You have the few who do, and the many who talk.” And then the question becomes: which group do you want to belong to? And there's not one bigger or better than the other, but it just depends on your situation as well.
Martins Aden
I am definitely a person that does. I believe in doing. Don't talk too much. Don't talk about your goals, because then, as I said, this is actually scientifically proven, when you talk about your goals so much, you get dopamine in your brain that gives you that feeling that you've already accomplished them, even though you haven't.
Robin Ijsseldijk
It's kind of like breathing it into life. Breathing it into existence.
Martins Aden
Exactly. So then it's just there, kind of tangible. But also, just not talking too much about it and just doing it. Because when you start doing it, then your brain starts finding ways to achieve that. But when you talk about it, you're just like, “Oh, I've already accomplished this.” Or when you talk about it, in some instances, your brain can start tricking you into thinking that it's not possible. Every single thing that you have in your brain is possible, as long as you're willing to work for it. Hard work pays off always.
Stop Announcing, Start Doing
Talking about the goal releases the dopamine that was meant for finishing it. You feel accomplished before anything happened.
Do not talk about it too much. Talking can also let the brain talk you out of it, into thinking it is not possible.
The moment you start doing it, the brain begins finding ways to achieve it. Every single thing in your brain is possible if you are willing to work for it.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Massively. So Martins, I want to end with one last question. What is an advice that you would give to the young generation that would improve their quality of life?
Martins Aden
Take baby steps, I would say. Take baby steps. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. And most importantly, enjoy the journey, not the destination. Because I can promise you, when you arrive at the destination, you will be like, “Oh, was it all that?” You won't be so impressed in the way you think you'll be impressed. Because the younger generation nowadays are very much into flashy cars, travelling to places, Dubai, all those luxury, very materialistic things. But I can promise you, those things don't matter. I have done so many things I didn't think were possible, and it was fun for the moment, but then it doesn't fill the inner child and my inner soul. So yeah, those three things. Take your time. It's a journey. Don't put any pressure on yourself. And just always be open to information. In a world where information travels very fast, we get so much information. But what you choose to do with that information is definitely up to you. Because we are all dealt the same cards. The main difference between Elon Musk and people like me, for example, is that with the cards that he has been dealt, he has done fantastically with them. So I just need to find a better way to optimise my cards and make them much more effective. But also, as I said, enjoy the journey. Because Elon Musk became whatever Elon Musk became at the age of thirty. No, sorry, thirty-seven. I'm just twenty-seven. So he has ten years more ahead. And those ten years, you can't just buy them in a store.
Robin Ijsseldijk
We have the same amount of time. We each only have twenty-four hours in a day.
Martins Aden
Exactly. You have to experience them as well. You have to experience them, and just take your time. Relax. It's not that deep. As long as you are consistent every day, those small changes. There's this book called One Percent Better, I think it's called. And it's just like every day, just become one percent better. If you did fifty push-ups today, do fifty-one tomorrow. And trust me, in one year, you will see that, oh my God, my arms are so big. I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day, and I was like, wow, I didn't know.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Yeah, good bro. Great, right?
Martins Aden
Yeah, exactly. I was like, I didn't think that this would have any effect, but obviously consistency pays. So just be consistent, guys. Just be consistent. Be passionate. Understand that things take time, and don't put so much pressure on yourself. Everybody's not supposed to have a Lamborghini by the age of twenty-one. Relax. You have so many years to buy a Lamborghini, if that's your goal, for example.
One Percent Better
Whatever you managed today is the number. Fifty push-ups, ten minutes, one page. It does not need to be impressive.
Fifty becomes fifty-one. That is the entire increase. It is small enough that there is no reason to skip it.
You will not see it happening. You will see it in the mirror a year later, and you will not believe something that small did that.
Robin Ijsseldijk
Martins, man. You gave energy. You motivate me for life. Honestly.
Martins Aden
Nah, honestly. Thank you so much, bro.
Martins Aden
Nothing is impossible. It's all in the head. So control your mental and your reality will change as well.
Robin Ijsseldijk
And on that note, we will end. But thank you so much for watching. I'll see you next time.
Martins Aden
Stay blessed.
Robin Ijsseldijk
And guys, this is the last thing, because it is something I really want to emphasise. Martins and I had this conversation right now, and as he already said, it is only information. But from what I heard, James Dumoulin said it: information can only change situations through implementation. Start implementing it, even in small chunks. I think that is the important part, because your dream is not as far away as you think, and neither is the life you want to have or the feelings you want to go for. And I think Martins really embodies that. I wish you all the best with everything.
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